Louise had just finished work, and arrived home absolutely knackered. She’d just pulled on a red t-shirt and collapsed in front of the TV when there was a strange flash of light and she was somewhere else.
The lights went on, a huge cheer from all around her, and Louise was in an enormous hall, full of people. On closer inspection they were all Louises and her partner. There were hundreds of them. Then the lights dimmed and then brightened, another cheer, and there was another Louise and her partner.
Louise looked around. She was unique for two reasons – one, she was the only one without her partner, and two she was the only one in this red t-shirt.
“Welcome,” said a nearby Louise, whom red-Louise noticed had four breasts, waist-length hair and a leopard’s tail. “This is the annual Louisefest, where Louises convene for discussion, dancing and sex. Have you ever had sex with your boyfriend, but with green skin, or horns, or four arms? Come in and join the fun.”
Red-Louise looked around in more detail. There were every kind of imaginable Louises all over the place; snake Louises, centaur Louises, Louises with green skin and black hair and six breasts, mermaid Louises and even male Louises. There were almost all possible Louises from almost everywhere in all the possible universes.
Red-Louise thought carefully, then imagined up a machine gun – there was a sense of fantasy and magic in the air – and shot everybody in the hall except herself. Another flash of light returned her to her flat.
There was a judge there, with a jury of Louises.
“You are charged with mass murder,” said the judge. “You will plead guilty. It is all recorded on tape and DVD-R, so there is no doubt that you did it.”
Red-Louise thought for a bit. “I am on Earth, back in my home country?”
“Yes.”
“And the people I have shot are myself and my partner?”
“Yes.”
“Then I can’t be guilty. I shot myself, and yet I am here unharmed. My partner is at work, and therefore still alive, so I can’t have harmed him either. Therefore the charge that I shot Louise to death – and also my partner – is ridiculous as I stand here unharmed and my partner will be back soon. We are on Earth, so covered by Earth laws.”
The judge looked at Louise. “You are correct. You can’t have committed mass murder as you would have murdered yourself – which would have been suicide anyway – and we have confirmed that your partner is alive and well at his place of work. You are free to go. However, the Louisefest is no more, thanks to you.”
Louise smiled. “I am the real Louise, there is no other.”
“You are taking a narrow minded view, but by your values you are right. However, there… were… many many Louises throughout all possible universes, and those that are still alive – because they didn’t attend this year’s Louisefest – are the real Louise by their own points of view. This ranges from Louises that are extremely evil to those that are saintly. You, having killed hundreds of beings… Where would you be placed on that scale?” The judge leaned closer to Louise. “In Infinity, with an infinite number of Louises, who is the definitive Louise?”
Then Louise woke up from her bottle-of-whisky induced dream, and she remembered what a party it had been last night. But why did she have a feeling that a lot of other Louises were somehow looking over her shoulder?
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